There is so much going on in my life right now. I apologize for how long you have to wait for a newsletter from me these days. I have been busy, but it has also been intimidating to write lately just because there is so much stuff I deem worthy of sharing. I have to devote a great chunk of time to writing about it. Since the last time we spoke, I have graduated college. Graduating college is a milestone that I was never prepared for. When I graduated high school, I was relieved to never have to enter Montville Township High School ever again in my life. I knew that I was on to bigger and better things at Syracuse. I knew my next step. Now, I do not. This is where the trajectory of my life becomes totally unpredictable, which is a major first. Growing up, life can take twists and turns, but there is a certain stability to living in the same house and going to the same school every single day. I am now living in my childhood house again, but this time there is no timeline for how long I stay. I do not even know if I will be living on this coast in a matter of months. Do not get me wrong, it is definitely exciting, but it is also terrifying. I have been applying to jobs and have not gotten much more than a nibble from any of these companies. I sort of expected that, but the tediousness and stressfulness of the job hunt weigh on me and again, throw me into the purgatory between graduating college and real life, so to speak. I am excited to have you all on this journey with me, and hopefully, we get to that place that we really want to go.
Damn, I am going to miss college. I could not be more elated that I will never have to sit in a classroom again in my life. I do not have any more research papers, projects, and exams. It is delightful. However, it is everything else. I am so lucky to have had an awesome college experience despite COVID throwing a giant wrench into it. I made lifelong friends, and I generally got to be around people that I just simply had a good time with. The goal was fun always, and camaraderie which I value and believe is extremely underrated. The truth is, I made some really close friends that I will stay in touch with, but at the end of the day, even if I do not, we shared this ride together. I thank everyone for a great time and good luck in the future. I also began a new relationship for my senior year, and not getting to be in Syracuse with Georgia anymore leaves me with a hole in my heart. Graduation is the definition of bittersweet. The bitter is fucking bitter. It is sad. But, the sweet is just as sweet as the bitter is bitter.
After graduation, I went to Los Angeles where my girlfriend, Georgia grew up. I had already been to LA with my family in 2019, but of course, we had to hit the touristy spots. That was a great trip and I am super excited that I got to see all the sites, but it did not necessarily give me an idea of what it is like to live in the city. I stayed with Georgia’s family as she took me to delicious restaurants (if you have not tried LA’s finest Korean BBQ, then you are missing out), hikes, shopping and arcading in Pasadena, flea markets in Melrose, Downtown LA, and she was generous enough to take me to the sweltering town of Tarzana, so I could go to Norman’s Rare Guitars. If you do not know Norman’s Rare Guitars, think of any movie with musical instruments in it and it is likely that gear was loaned from Norm’s. It is super famous. I also met modern blues guitar aficionado, Joe Bonamassa which was cool. We had a great time in LA and I enjoyed getting a sense of the place where Georgia grew up. Then, Georgia and I went to go see Indigo De Souza at Union Transfer in Philly. She was incredible. For those who do not know her, she is a 25-year-old Brazilian American singer-songwriter from Asheville. Her personal Cobain-like lyricism and grunge combined with her soaring whimpery vocals and her confidence and charisma onstage made for a great evening. Check out her stuff.
Now, I am here at home in New Jersey applying for jobs, and working on all my personal projects. You may be glad to know that my album is finished. It is called For Peace and it will be out eventually. I know I need to have some sort of marketing campaign and promotional strategy to get as many ears on this thing as possible. I am so bad at it. I truly hate using social media when it comes to spreading my music. It never feels natural to me, and it probably never will, but I will try. It is hard for me to express myself that way. I express myself through writing, whether it be this, poetry or lyricism. I will figure it out though, and if anyone has ideas for me, please let me know. This album is by far the most personal and mature one that I have ever made. I worked very hard on it, and it took me basically two years to come to a cohesive tracklist that I believe showcases my talent and more importantly, my message. Meanwhile, I am beginning to work on my fourth album. You can get a little sneak peek of the direction I am leaning towards at the bottom of the newsletter where I always attach a song. I need to play some shows. I also need to find a band. On the other hand, you are going to start seeing some extra Breaker’s Point content. I am reviewing all of Bruce Springsteen’s albums and attempting to rank them. I am working on the first one right now.
Grateful Eight:
I mentioned this before, but I am so grateful for the really close friendships I made at school these past four years. Special shoutout to all the boys.
I am also grateful for the diversity of people that I became friendly with whether it comes to race, gender, sexual orientation, upbringing, interests, hometown. It is personally enriching to know people from different backgrounds. It makes you a smarter and more capable person. It also makes life more fun.
I now have a day that I cook dinner for my family each week. I have spoken about how much I love cooking, but at school, I only do it for myself. I am excited I get the opportunity to regularly share my cooking. Do not worry my family, I will try not to go heavy-handed on the salt nor burn the house down.
Pepcid. I have had bad stomach pains lately, but this is a miracle drug, and I do not know what I would do without it.
The other thing that I did not mention about graduation is the gifts! I look into my bank account and see three digits these days. It’s a start. Thank you to everyone for being so generous. All love.
Photos. Over time, I have realized the importance of taking pictures. They capture a moment and they help you remember all the good times. I wish I took more pictures in my life up to this point. Of course, while it is important, I do not necessarily like being in pictures, but you do not have to be in all of them. Just take them.
This Theo Von guy. Holy shit is he funny. He is all over my TikTok and the clips kill me with laughter. He has kind of become part of my everyday life in that way for better or potentially worse down the line.
On a serious note, as I am in a transitional period in my life, I have to just get overly sentimental for a moment and express my gratitude to my support system and all the encouragement I get as I carve my path.
This Week’s Rare Mnemonic Advice/Josh Carus Recording: I’m So Sorry
It is interesting how my songwriting focus shifts from project to project. Many artists like to make songs that they release as singles or combine into an EP or LP. I think about songwriting a little differently and I focus on making albums because I believe that is my personal art form. To thread the needle from song to song while working on a project, I predominantly use one instrument to write the songs with. While there are loud songs on For Peace, the record was written almost exclusively on acoustic guitar. I tapped into my folk and country sensibilities and delivered a project that was based on that style. Now, I am interested in making a lot of noisy DIY indie rock like some of my heroes in the 90s and inspired by a few recent rock records I have loved lately (see Indigo De Souza’s whole catalog and MJ Lenderman’s Boat Songs). This was sort of my approach to my album Need A Vacation, but the sound I am going for now is grittier, and I think I have improved both as a songwriter and performer, which….good! That is what is supposed to happen!
Anyway, all of my albums up until this point have been pretty autobiographical, especially For Peace which is deeply personal and touches on my own mental health issues. In this next chapter, I want to write from the perspective of characters and the types of people I encounter in my daily life. For example, in the last few weeks, I have seen a lot of, frankly, disturbing homelessness. Syracuse, Downtown LA, Philly, and of course, I have seen it in New York City. I decided to write from the perspective of a homeless person. I think we look at these human beings disdainfully. At least, I know I do myself even despite the strong sympathy that I have for them. I touched on that here. I wanted to remind myself that these people are human, just lost to the point of no return. I think about their quality of life, and why they even have an urge to live. I want to know their stories. There is also a pretty much universal cause and that is drugs. How can we prevent this as a society or better yet as a community? I do not really know yet. However, I am enjoying putting myself into others’ shoes to gain perspective and show people that my expression can take the shape of many voices that are not attached to my own experience.
I’m So Sorry
Drop a coin in my cup, I swear I’ll use it wisely
At worst just smile and shake your head
And tell me no politely
A thousand times I ask of you
Let’s just talk and exchange our shoes
I’ll wear them on my feet as I bust a move
Feeling so sick all my life my parents even hate me
They tell me to go kill myself
But death don’t seem great lately
Though purgatory sounds so nice
They disassemble every case and shell around my life
And I’m a whole lot of soul beneath the devil’s knife
I’m so sorry for living
It’s not my fault I swear
I’m so sorry for living breathing
God, I just don’t think there’s something else out there
Drop a coin into my cup and I will talk to you nicely
I’ll take you to some far-off place
Where no one else can find me
I’ve been battered black and blue
But only half of what I say is true
And I could fuck you too but I guess that could get pricey
I’m so sorry for living
It’s not my fault I swear
I’m so sorry for living breathing
God, I just don’t think there’s something else out there
Drop a coin in my cup…ah whatever
I’ll be wearing a knitted shirt regardless of the weather
I’m so sorry for living
It’s not my fault I swear
I’m so sorry for living breathing
God, I just don’t think there’s something else out there
Share this post