Happy Halloween to all my readers! I do not know how I feel about Halloween, so I thought it would make for nice Breaker’s Point material if I talk through it and maybe evidently tackle how I feel about the holiday as a 21-year-old guy. I will start by saying that I loved Halloween when I was a kid. There was nothing like showing up to school in full costume and seeing what all your other friends were wearing. The school day would be full of fun spooky activities, and then a few of my friends and I would meet up and go trick-or-treating. When I was really little, my parents and my friends’ parents would take us around Pine Brook. I will never forget walking around with my mom as the afternoon turned into dusk; then, my dad would come home and he, my brother, and I would do round two right around where we lived as the dark night fell. Eventually, I was allowed to go trick-or-treating without parental supervision, and that is when an even larger group of my friends and I would walk around the Longview townhouses because they were closer together and we could hit more houses in a shorter span. It was all about efficiency. Once we loaded up our pillowcases, and they were too heavy to swing over our scrawny, kid shoulders, we would go back to home base, empty out all of our candy, and trade and barter for the candy we wanted that another guy had. We would even play poker with it. That is when I realized I did not love to gamble. It is this unbridled joy-filled fun that informed my love of the holiday. It is some of the most innocent fun I have ever experienced. The nostalgia of being a kid on Halloween is actually a little soul-crushing for me. The fact that I do not love Halloween like I used to, and the means of celebrating it is not by going trick-or-treating, but by engaging in boozy and debaucherous behavior makes me long for the wholesomeness of being a child. Of course, I do have fun with all of that. It might be less of a Halloween-related thing, and more of myself just feeling a general nostalgia for kidlike purity and the joy of my upbringing, and Halloween just firmly pokes at it. They don’t tell you that growing up can often be sad.
I do not really enjoy dressing up in a costume anymore, and I find it more stressful than fun. I love to see what other people wear, but coming up with a good costume makes me oddly insecure. Also, just wearing a sports jersey is super lame and I do not want to be super lame. I just do not really like Halloween anymore, as much as I wish I did. There are some things about Halloween that I do think are cool though. The horror aspect is cool. The holiday is inherently eerie. I walked to my morning class today under an overcast sky, and a cool autumn wind, and for some reason, I encountered very few people on the way. It was spooky and I loved it. It truly does not feel like an ordinary day. Also, I do not care how old I get, I will always love candy. As I am writing this, I realize that I was just food shopping at Wegmans and I forgot to buy some Halloween candy. I have some Sour Patch at home, but I want those big assorted bags. Anyway, I guess I honestly did a good job trying to get to the bottom of how I feel about Halloween. I hope you have enjoyed yours.
I want to totally switch gears and tell you about some Mnemonic Advice activity coming down the stretch. I will be releasing a song called “Blood You Draw” along with new merch! The merch is ready, but I am still putting the finishing touches on the recording of the song before I upload it to be streamed EVERYWHERE. I had somewhat of an epiphany last week where I realized that I had so many songs just sitting there idling, and many recordings waiting to see the light of day. I got in my own head a little bit about the sound quality of my music. For this album, I wanted to enter a real studio and record it with a real band, and while I would still love to do that at some point, I do not have the time or money to do that right now. I realized that I can do so much more on my laptop to make the music sound better than I have been doing. I have been learning how to mix and master properly and with purpose. My last album sounded adequate and I had absolutely no idea what I was doing as far as engineering/tech goes. I figure if I have even a small idea of what I am doing now, I can make this upcoming album sound marginally better. “Blood You Draw” is a song that I have been opening with at shows. It is a straight-ahead punk rocker that I did not feel meshed with the somewhat understated and at times, quieter music I have been recording for the next M.A. LP. It is a great single…I hope. Anyway, it will be the first time you can hear my new and ever-so-slightly improved mixing and mastering skills. I am so excited to share that, and my T-shirts/hoodies! Additionally, I have booked a show for 12/23 at Heaven Can Wait in New York City! Stay tuned for that.
Grateful Eight
Bruce finally agreed to go on the Howard Stern show. I really enjoy Howard’s interviews and this one has been incredible so far. I know everything that is out there about Bruce from following him, reading books, and seeing shows, and I am still learning things about him in this interview straight from his own mouth. It is delightful. He could not be more lucid and down to earth, and the man has not lost a step when it comes to his singing voice.
Thanos. It is a sandwich shop here in Syracuse and it just hits every time. I hadn’t had it in a while but could not resist getting it for lunch today.
I take for granted the ability I have to record a song on my laptop in my bedroom and mix and master it right there. I feel myself wanting to break out from that, but damn is it convenient and cheap, and it makes the barrier of entry so small for musicians. Technology, man.
As I mentioned, I love candy, and Halloween makes it socially acceptable to eat it publicly.
I recently started watching Ted Lasso. What an excellent feel-good show. I am early in it though. No spoilers.
This pork chop that I am about to make. I am so determined to make it the greatest pork chop known to mankind. Pork chops can be woefully dry if they are overcooked. Disgusting shit. But if they are cooked right, they are delectable.
I have two fantasy leagues. In the KD fantasy league, I have lost Breece Hall (my RB1), Jamarr Chase (my WR1), and Mike Williams (my WR2) and so my season is pretty chalked. However, in the BYH league, I am thriving. Watch out. I can win that thing. Thank god.
This warm weather. This weekend was gorgeous. It is crazy to see the leaves all off the trees but still get blessed with a 70-degree day in Syracuse. However, while I am grateful, it indicates climate change which is grim. I always wonder, how could a climate change denier rationalize that it’s 70 degrees in late October in Syracuse if climate change does not exist?
This Week’s Rare Mnemonic Advice/Josh Carus Recording: “Undercover (I Wonder)”
This is a rough mix of “Undercover.” I am proud of the songs I write, my lyricism, and the style that I have developed. However, most of my songs, while incorporating wit and black humor, are pretty deadly serious—even the more energetic rockers on my last album. I think about my heroes. Bruce wrote “Adam Raised the Cain" about the soul-crushing guilt and darkness he inherited from his father, but he also wrote “Sherry Darling” literally at the same time; a fun and hilarious song about his girl’s insufferable mother. Jeff Tweedy wrote “Misunderstood” about being an outcast and being chewed up and spit out by the darkness of a society that he feels he does not belong. He also wrote “Monday” about “Choo Choo Charlie’s plenty good band.” Those two songs come 1st and 3rd on the same album. It is the yin and yang of songwriting. I do not think I will be totally satisfied with myself as a songwriter if I cannot write a really fun, lighthearted song like those. I do not always want to take myself so seriously. I think only writing as a solution to an internal conflict, or to say something deep and profound can be exhausting to myself and perhaps an audience. I want to write just because making songs is fun. “Undercover” is me giving it my best shot. It is just a song about being used by a boyfriend or girlfriend and the benefits that once again return to your life once it is all over. It is something that an audience can latch onto effortlessly as it is a pretty universal situation described simply and explicitly. I think it is also my favorite guitar solo that I have ever recorded. However, I do not really think it fits with the project I am working on. I could end up being wrong though.
“Undercover (I Wonder)”
Sometimes she goes so undercover
Sometimes I can’t see her for miles
Sometimes we’re smiling at each other
Sometimes she goes away and hides
Oh I wonder if I’m gonna see her tonight
Nowadays I think she’s got a lover
Nowadays she looks so insecure
Nowadays I feel too bad to hover
Nowadays my knees are on the floor
I’m beggin baby
Oh I wonder if I’m gonna see her anymore
She used to stare at me with all her heart
Sometimes a look’s enough to tear you apart
I think I fell for you and all your lies
I guess I gotta take met eyes off the prize
Now I got money to spend
Now I got some time to myself
Now I got a hand that I can lend
Nowadays I got adequate mental health
Oh I wonder can somebody stuff her stealth
Oh I wonder will I ever find someone else
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